-Death: (1) Heaven Technologies

The door opens and that guy takes his gun, aims right between my eyes and … BANG. Game Over.

I see my dead body below me and that white guy who is probably the owner of this house tries to shoot down my friends. Surprisingly, they are fast enough to escape and don’t get hit by the bullets. Damn! Why must I be the one with the bad luck? Anyway, that trigger happy guy freaks me out and I leave through some kind of portal in the ceiling. There’s this bright light and it pulls me towards itself. I feel like I’m flying upwards dozens of miles within a few seconds. What a great ride! As I leave the end of the tunnel I find myself far above the clouds. The light turns out to be the beam of some kind of futuristic laser cannon labeled “McLight”. After taking a closer look I notice another small label: “Made in Heaven”. What the…?

“I’m sorry. This must be somewhat confusing to you, but everything will be fine. Here, take this hPhone.” I turn around and notice the guy who just said that: It’s Jesus. No! It’s Neo! Ok, it’s Neo Jesus. I mean, he is Jesus dressed up like Neo from the Matrix movies and he’s handing me some kind of transparent phone. Because I don’t have any better ideas, I take it. It starts displaying a logo with a big white cloud and silver letters: “hPhone – powered by Heaven Technologies” Just a second later a dialog appears: START AFTERLIFE TOUR? The options are [YES], [NO] and [ASK JESUS FIRST]. Wow! That’s the weirdest thing that ever happened to me!

Am I dreaming or what? Neo Jesus takes of his black glasses and throws them away. They circle around him in a close orbit. “No, you are not dreaming. I am sorry. This is very real. Welcome to the afterlife.” Directly afterwards the hPhone displays the additional comment: “Yes, this is very real. Welcome to the afterlife.” The quickly arising vertigo makes me feel queasy. This shit makes no sense! “This shit does make sense. Your body has died, but your soul is immortal. We have taken some artistic freedom here and mixed up the typical Christian mythology with elements from your contemporary culture to make your transition less stereotyped. Don’t you think the afterlife deserves much more style than the typical old fashioned Christian mind can imagine?”

This storm of afterlife madness is a single huge shock. It’s really true. There is some kind of life after death. And it’s totally freakish! And obviously Neo Jesus can read my mind. “Yes, I can read your mind, but don’t worry about that now. If you feel uneasy, you can take the afterlife tour of your hPhone.” Following that suggestion, I click on [YES].
THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING HEAVEN TECHNOLOGIES.
AS YOU HAVE PROBABLY NOTICED, YOU ARE A PROUD OWNER OF AN IMMORTAL SOUL, OR MORE PRECISELY:
YOU ARE AN IMMORTAL SOUL.
THIS OPENS UP WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITIES TO YOU.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO WORRY ABOUT JUDGEMENT. IT HAS BEEN ABOLISHED IN ORDER TO CUT DOWN ON BUREAUCRACY.
ALL YOUR SINS ARE FORGIVEN BY THE AUTHORITY OF JESUS AND THE CEO OF HEAVEN TECHNOLOGIES.
YOU ARE AUTHORIZED TO ENTER HEAVEN.
[OPEN PORTAL TO HEAVEN NOW] [ACCESS MORE INFORMATION FIRST] [TAKE A DRINK] [DISPLAY MORE OPTIONS]

{Go to part (2)}